After The Annihilation
by poetif
Summary: It's a two-parter post-ep for season 8's "Annihilated" and season 9's "Blinded". I recently saw Annihilated and it never sat well with me & many others I'm sure, that Elliot would just decide to sleep with his wife after a two year legal separation. It's not all sunshine and roses but it is E/O. That being said, please review. AN: Reviews are NOT single words like "Whoah!"
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** This is a post-ep for "Annihilation" from season 8, so there's some spoilers for that as well as for "Blinded" from season 9. It still gets me that he went back to Kathy after two years, had a booty call and out pops Eli. So guess what? None of that crap happens here. Seriously, who does that? Anything you read in _**bold and italics**_ are straight from the episode. These characters are the property of Dick Wolf, yada, yada, yada but the story is my own personal creation aside from what I've quoted from the script.

"Thanks for letting me check on the kids."

"They're your kids too El," she tells him. "You don't have to thank me."

"Still."

"Are you okay?"

"Fine just…tough case is all," he explains, turning to go.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay," offers Kathy, pulling the covers back.

He rubs his forehead in contemplation, hesitates, but makes a decision.

"Thanks Kath but, I think it's better if I just head home."

She's visibly disappointed but she nods her head in understanding. He just realized he called his apartment _'home'_, when before he'd just say he was going back to the city.

"Goodnight then," says Kathy.

"G'nite."

After he locks up behind himself he sits in his jeep, hands on the steering wheel. He stares at the home he built with his soon to be ex-wife, taking in the bikes on the porch, the flowers she finally got around to planting, and the Christmas lights still lining the gutters that need cleaning.

Saturday, he thinks. He'll get to it on Saturday.

Elliot remembers blindfolding her when they walked into the house all those years ago. The kitchen had bright yellow walls, cheery in retrospect. Kathy worried about the mortgage but he was happy that she was happy and he was willing to worked many hours of overtime to cover it. And when Maureen arrived, he became a dad and suddenly everything he was meant to be was staring him back in the face with eyes like his, hair like hers and ten little fingers and toes.

He was Elliot Stabler, husband, father, cop, in just that order. And he'd tied his identity to all of those titles. So when she left and took the kids, all he thought remained was 'cop' and he nearly ruined that with his anger issues.

But he's been working on those and in the same sessions he's also learning, and tonight Kathy reminded him, that even though his kids are no longer living under the same roof, he's _still_ a father. He misses those nights he was able to make it home before they went to sleep, helping with homework, teaching Dickie how to throw a curve ball or helping Kathleen practice her soccer.

Yet he doesn't miss the arguments with Kathy. He'll always love her for giving him four beautiful, healthy kids, but their marriage is over. If it weren't, he'd miss the title of husband a lot more than he does.

And he just…_doesn't_.

So he starts his Jeep and points it away from Queens, over the bridge and back into the borough of Manhattan where _she_ is, his partner of the last eight years.

Olivia hasn't known him nearly half the time that Kathy has yet she seems to understand him better. She gets his moods, his smirks, his lame jokes and the times where he says nothing seems to be when she gets him the most. He looked up to his first partner, had a definite two way attraction in his second, Jo Marlow but with Olivia, he feels a bond, a connection the likes of which he's never felt with another human being.

He needs her to know that.

Twenty minutes later when he's leaning on her buzzer at 2am, she lets him up but not before giving him some choice words. When she got back to the unit things between them were strained to say the least. But they've slowly but surely been learning to work through their issues trying to rebuild what they had.

"What the hell Elliot?" She asks, swinging the door open. "It's 2am," she says, voice raspy from sleep.

Elliot takes in the bed-head, make-up free face, blue and white pin striped pj's, bare feet with painted toe nails and wants to pull her into his arms. But then he remembers that they don't do that, they don't touch.

And that, he's staring.

"Sorry," he says, realizing how annoyed she looks. "Can I come in?"

She exhales sharply and stands out of the way to let him in before closing the door behind him.

"Is it one of the kids?" She asks. "Kathy?"

He wants to reach for her even more for being so concerned, so caring.

"No, they're fine I just wanted to…talk," he tells her.

"And it couldn't wait til morning?" She asks, looking at the clock on the kitchen wall. "Or _later _this morning."

"No," he answers. "Do you mind if we sit?"

Olivia wordlessly pads over to the sofa as Elliot trails behind. She sits in the corner with one foot folded beneath her and the other on the floor. He sits not far from her, trying to gather his thoughts before she kicks him out.

He's looking down at her carpet when his eyes wonder over to the foot that she has dangling off the couch.

"Your toenails are pink," he notices.

"Elliot if you woke me up to tell me things I already know, I'm getting my gun," she tells him. "Now what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he says. "I think everything is right for once," he continues. "Or at least getting there."

She sits quietly waiting for him to explain.

"I went home tonight," he explains. "After seeing those kids dead in their beds, I needed-

"I know," she interrupts. "I can see what this case is doing to you."

He meets her eyes, sees her understanding.

"He wanted to live in two different worlds," he goes on. "But he couldn't handle it and neither could I."

"Malcolm Royce had his cake and wanted to eat it too," she contends. "The life he made with his wife and kids didn't suit his ego so he created a different one with another woman," she adds. "That's not you Elliot."

Olivia's always had such faith in him despite his arrogance and bullheadedness. She was there for him when he got thrown through a window earlier this year and never doubted his innocence after he was accused of a death resulting from what IAB called excessive force.

"But you know that," she tells him. "So I'll ask again, why are you here so late?"

"Looking at his life," he starts. "I couldn't help but think if he'd had someone to ground him, to tell him he was full of shit from time to time, to send him home to his wife…someone like you that maybe-

"I appreciate the credit but you aren't who you are because of me Elliot," she interrupts. "You had morals and integrity long before I came along."

"Thanks."

"If you didn't," she continues. "We wouldn't have lasted a week as partners."

It's quiet between them for a few seconds.

"You said things were getting right," she says, prompting the conversation to continue. "What did you mean?"

"You and me," he answers. "I feel like things are getting better."

"Me too," she acknowledges, giving him a small smile.

"And…there's something I should've said long before now," he says, holding her attention. "I've had three other partners," he continues. "But I've never had the kind of bond that we share."

"Neither have I," she acknowledges, nearly whispering.

"And I missed you," he adds.

"Really?" She asks, with raised eyebrows. "I couldn't tell," she adds. "You didn't seem too happy to have me back."

"What guy is known _not_ to act an ass when his ego's bruised?" He asks her.

She gets up suddenly from the sofa, surprising him.

"You were angry because I bruised your ego?" She asks. "Elliot you broke my…you know, I don't wanna start an argument."

He doesn't need her to finish, to know what she was going to say. He watches as she turns away and Elliot knows she's putting the walls back up. He doesn't want that to happen so he rises from the sofa and ends up behind her with his hand on her shoulder.

"Liv I-

"It's okay," she says, turning to face him, effectively dropping his hand from its place. "We've already discussed why I left so we're good," she adds, with her game face on. "No need to have this conversation."

Elliot watches as she walks to the door, preparing to open it for him.

"I spouted some bullshit about being scared to disagree with you," he reminds her. "And you let me get away with it," he adds. "But you and I have never had _this_ conversation," he contends, placing his hand against the door and advancing on her personal space.

"And we don't need to," she says, backing up until she hits the side of the refrigerator. "I told you we're good."

Elliot steps closer, placing both hands next to her shoulders against the refrigerator. Her eyes are anywhere but on his.

"If you can tell me you left because of our _professional_ relationship, I'll leave and never bring it up again," he suggests. "But we both know it was because I hurt you."

This garners Olivia's immediate attention. He wasn't supposed to bring up the worst kept secret in SVU. Her face reflects surprise that he had the balls to mention the 800lb gorilla in the room.

"I," she begins and her eyes are already starting to water. "We needed space Elliot," she tries, wiping at a several stray tears. "That's all…we needed-

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I know it feels like it's too late but I am," he continues. "I was too busy mourning the loss of something that's no longer working to see what's right in front of me."

"Elliot just—

"Tell me I'm wrong Liv," he says, closing the distance between them. "Tell me it didn't hurt you just as much to leave as it did for me when I found out you were gone."

Her focus has dropped to the carpet again so Elliot lifts her chin with his right hand. When he sees the pain there all he wants to do is take it away.

"Say it," he rasps, nearly begging. "Please and I'll leave."

She pushes him away from her then.

"Let it go," she says, raising her voice. "Things are finally getting back to normal and you wanna lob this grenade and blow it all to pieces again," she says. "Why now huh? What at all?"

"Because I'm tired!"

Elliot scrubs his hands over his face, then places them at both hips.

"I'm tired," he repeats in a calmer tone. "Of pretending that there's nothing between us but this work…these…cases, this job Olivia," he explains. "And I know it scares you and that it always has so…I'll stop pushing."

He moves to the door to leave but thinks better of it making a bee line for her. Elliot takes her face in both hands and kisses her breathless. He doesn't stay for her reaction, just turns and makes a swift exit.

Olivia's in court all the next day and doesn't see him. It's both a blessing and a curse. She has time to think about what happened when she last she saw him but who knows what refusing his request will do to their partnership. She can't believe he kissed her like that.

The next morning she _does_ see him, he looks emotionally and mentally drained as if he's hanging on by a very thin thread. She learns from Cragen minutes later that he spent the whole night in Malcolm Royce's head before he confessed to killing his entire family.

Their boss commented that Elliot left without a word to anyone. He walked quickly and silently right past her, got on the elevator and left in God knows what state of mind.

"Is it okay if I take a couple of hours Cap?" She asks after he explains what her partner has been through. "I'm a little worried."

"Me too," he says. "Be back by lunch."

Olivia locks the files she has inside her desk drawer and rushes back downstairs. He has the squad car they share so she takes the subway to give herself some time to think.

Not too long ago Elliot told her he'd signed the divorce papers. She'd told him that it was a step in the right direction, they talked, went for something to eat and talked even more. Though she was sad for him that his marriage was ending, she felt their partnership was in a better place.

A few weeks later it's, _"I'm having a drink with Kathy to talk about going home."_

Then he comes to her apartment in the middle of the night to tell her he realizes his marriage doesn't work anymore. And to top it all off, he apologizes for hurting her. Not only that but he wants Olivia to admit the reason she left in the first place.

Well _screw that_, she thinks to herself. He needs to learn a new coping mechanism other than dragging her feelings along for the ride. Their partnership is just peachy the way it is. It's taken them weeks to get back on an even keel and she will _not_ let him ruin that because he so wrongly sees himself in Malcolm Royce.

She tries his cell several times before she gets there but it continues to go unanswered. It's a terrible feeling to have, when someone you're worried about doesn't respond when you call them.

Elliot doesn't have a buzzer to his building so she goes right up. She raps on the door twice but gets no answer. Then she hears the slightest noise and knows he's there trying to be quiet.

"I'm not going anywhere so you may as well open up Stabler," she calls out. "You're not the only one that knows how to kick in a door."

She waits for a few seconds then hears him shuffling in her direction. He opens the door with a towel wrapped around his waist and a beer in his hand.

"Uh Elliot," she begins, looking at her watch. "It's 8am. You don't think it's a little early for a drink?"

"What do you want?" He asks with obvious attitude.

"Can I come in?"

He looks like he's actually considering not letting her but then takes a few steps back to allow her to step inside.

She walks in past him and takes a look around. Olivia's never been to his apartment before. His house she's been to several times. His family was there. It was safe. But he's by himself here.

And he's only wearing a towel.

"What can I do for you?"

Olivia looks at him as if he's lost his mind.

"You can start by putting on some clothes," she says, gesturing to his bath wrap.

"We're just two platonic friends hanging out," he tells her. "It shouldn't matter what I'm wearing or_ not_ wearing," he adds, taking a sip from his bottle.

She can only guess as to how many of those he's had in the short time he's been home.

"First of all, I don't have conversations with _any _of my friends dressed in a bath towel," she says. "And second of all, quit being an ass."

She thinks she hears a slight growl before he walks in a huff down the hallway to put on some clothes. His place is sparsely decorated with just the basics. There's a rustic brown leather sofa, a steamer trunk coffee table, flat screen television and two lamps on end tables.

"Better?" He asks, pulling a Knicks t-shirt over his head, having put on navy blue sweatpants.

Olivia stands with her thumbs in her pockets, preparing to listen to whatever lies he wants to tell about how fine he is after this shit case. She knows because she's told the same ones.

"Cragen told me about Royce's confession," she begins. "That he's the one that killed his family and his girlfriend."

"Yeah," he confirms. "That son of bitch blamed it on his jealous wife," he says. "He was just scared of his two little worlds to colliding," he adds, sitting on the couch.

Olivia joins him but puts a short distance between them.

"He said there'd be no one to take care of his family if he were behind bars," Elliot continues. "That he had to-

"He'll be spending the rest of his miserable life in prison," she tells him, stopping him from having to repeat the fate of the young children. "And you help put him there."

"I know but-

"You feel like it's too good for him," she interrupts, finishing the thought for him. "I know. But that's the system El."

"If I would've figured out he killed his fiancé sooner…

"Don't do that," she tells him. "You know that nothing good lies down the path of what-ifs," she reasons.

He gives her a short nod then takes another sip of his beer.

"Are you gonna be okay or are you gonna finish what's left of the six pack I know is in your fridge?"

"Both," he answers with a smirk.

He'll be just fine she thinks and gets up to leave.

"That's it?" He asks. "That's all you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes," she says, looking at her watch. "I have to get back to work," she tells him, moving towards the door.

Elliot is faster and catches her by the elbow. She turns to face him, surprised at both the action and his reflexes.

"I kissed you last night Olivia," he starts. "And we're just…we're never gonna talk about it?"

She shakes his hand off her arm.

"You left before I could even process what happened," she counters. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"Would like me to show you again?"

"Don't be a bastard," she tells him. "You need to stop this Elliot, it's not going anywhere," she says, heading for the door again.

"Because you won't let it!"

His words prevent her forward movement.

"You really wanna do this now?" She asks, her voice raising. "Okay then, let's do it," she tells him.

"Let's."

She sits her purse down, readying herself to unleash everything she's been meaning to tell him for the last year.

"Let me see if I have this right," she begins. "You got kicked out by your wife, dragged your feet for _two _damn years before signing the divorce papers and when you finally do," she says, nearly out of breath. "You tell me you're having drinks and reconciling."

"That's not-

"I'm. Not. Finished," she says, fixing him with a glare.

Silence reigns on his side of the room.

"I put up with the moodiness, the temper tantrums and the blaming me for shit that wasn't my fault," she continues. "And when_ I_ want to discuss what's been building between us, you shut me down because you couldn't deal," she adds. "The only thing I'm sorry for was being too much of a coward to say I wanted another partner to your face."

Elliot's staring at his hardwood floors by the time she's done.

"Are you finished?" He asks.

"No," she says. "I'm not gonna be yo-yoed around because you don't know what or who the hell you want from one week to the next," she tells him, putting her hands on her hips. "So trust me that whatever it is you _think_ you want me to say, you don't."

He walks to where she's standing, stopping short about two steps in front of her.

"Are you done _now_?" He asks, eyeing her intently.

"Yes," she answers, returning the same focused intensity.

"Seeing those kids shot in their own beds was the worst thing I've seen in quite some time," he begins. "And yes, I saw my own kids in their faces and it shook me Liv, right down to my core," he continues. "But it made me see what's important…how damned _short_ life is."

She can see that he's holding himself back from yelling. The vein in his neck is visible and he's breathing faster than usual but he refrains. Apparently anger management does work.

"And when I was leaving the house in Queens, Kathy asked me to stay," he reveals. "And I wanted that comfort Liv, I _needed_ it," he asserts. "But do you know what surprised me?" He asks.

Olivia swallows hard, not wanting to hear the answer.

"That as easy and familiar as it would've been to climb back into bed next to my soon to be ex-wife," he goes on, as she closes her eyes momentarily. "That I didn't want that comfort…not from _her_."

She suddenly finds the picture frames over his shoulder very interesting. He came to her that night. The intensity of his eyes and the truth she finds there have become too much.

"Please look at me," he tells her, taking a step closer.

Reluctantly she brings her brown eyes to meet his blues again.

"When I have that drink with her tonight, I'll be telling her that I wanna continue with the divorce proceedings," he confesses. "I miss living in the same house with my kids Liv but I won't live a lie in order to be able to."

Olivia takes a breath and nods her understanding. She won't try to talk him back into a marriage he no longer wants.

"Sounds like you have your mind made up," she tells him. "I won't try to change it," she adds, turning to leave.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" He asks, nearly whispering.

"Because I'm not ready for the alternative," she answers honestly, turning to face him once more.

"You think I'm gonna change my mind again," he says, and it's not a question.

"Yes," she responds, without hesitation. "And let's not forget that it was you who pushed me away the first time."

Elliot steps close to her again, taking a chance by laying both hands against the soft skin of her neck, she shuts her eyes at the contact.

"I can't handle any more than what we are to each other right now," she tells him, willing him to understand. "Leaving the first time was painful," she now admits, focusing on him again. "But for what you want…

"You wouldn't come back if it didn't work," he finishes for her.

She shakes her head in the negative.

"No El, I wouldn't."

"Then," he says, leaning closer to her. "I should be really sure."

"Yes."

Olivia places her hands against his chest but doesn't stop him.

"It's a good thing I am then," he says, leaning in completely.

He pecks her mouth once, twice and lingers the third time, sliding his lips against hers. She moves her hands slowly down his chest, over his stomach and around to his back before pulling him closer then closer still.

It's so much better than the first time she thinks because his mouth is warm, he tastes like her new favorite beer and she's actually participating. But she knows they're doing too much feeling and not enough thinking. Olivia has to do that for them both.

"Wait," she says, pulling away.

She sees his kiss swollen lips, morning stubble, dark and hooded eyes and it's more than a challenge to let him go.

"I'm glad you're sure but-

"You're not convinced," he continues, releasing her altogether.

She's hurt him. It wasn't intentional but it was necessary.

"I'm just saying we should take some time Elliot," she suggests. "Not only do I think you need to sit down with Huang or someone after this hell of a case but you also need to talk to Kathy," she tells him.

"If you don't want this with me just tell me," he says, moving to sit on the sofa again. "Don't make excuses," he adds, sipping his beer.

She shakes her head in frustration, rolls her eyes and joins him. He's such a petulant child sometimes.

"I'm not making excuses," she tells him. "I don't wanna change the dynamics of this partnership while you're still raw from this case and definitely notwhile you're still married."

"I get it," Elliot says. "So how long are we talking about?"

"However long it takes," she answers. "I have shit to deal with too."

He sits his beer down and turns to her, a light bulb having been lit.

"You're seeing someone," he realizes. When she doesn't deny it he asks, "Who?"

"That doesn't matter," she reasons, standing again. "I just don't want you to have any regrets Elliot."

Olivia gathers her purse, opening the door this time.

"I'll see you at work."


	2. Chapter 2

_Six months later…_

Having just located child rape suspect Saul Picard, Elliot is escorting him handcuffed through a park. Olivia is ahead with the little girl they found him with, sleepy but blessedly unharmed.

The man is talking to himself in unintelligible storybook speak on the way to the sedan. He continues mumbling until he stops suddenly, having seen a sign on a passing truck that reads 'Winter's coming…Time to escape.'

"_**Oh okay," says Picard. **_

"_**Yeah, okay what?" Elliot asks, continuing to walk behind the man.**_

"_**Do I have to do it now?" Asks Picard to no one. "Cuz it's gonna be really hard."**_

"_**I gotta get away," he says to Elliot, starting to pull in the opposite direction.**_

"_**You're not goin' anywhere pal."**_

"_**I gotta get away, gotta get away," he contends before head-butting Elliot and knocking him into the window of the police sedan, shattering the glass with the back of his skull.**_

"_**Elliot!" Screams Olivia after hearing what happened. "Get him!" She yells, pointing at Picard after seeing him flee in handcuffs.**_

The park is crawling with police officers, having rendezvoused there to look for the man and the girl he'd kidnapped.

"_**Get him!" She bellows again as two uniformed officers stop traffic so she can get to her partner. **_

When Olivia makes it to their sedan she sees Elliot on the ground slumped against the door of the car.

"_**Officer down call a bus!" **_

He's not conscious when she kneels beside him and after checking his injuries she sees the blood on the back of his head.

"_**Elliot," she says, "Elliot you're okay, a bus is on its way," she adds, cradling his head to her chest. "You're okay, you're okay, you're okay…you're okay."**_

Seeing as though he's unconscious and can't hear her, it's a safe bet to say that she's trying to reassure herself more than him.

They've not spoken again about becoming more than partners since she left his apartment all those months ago. Olivia thinks she called his…Kathy out of habit. It dawns on her that she doesn't know if the woman is Elliot's ex-wife or his current one.

She seemed generally worried after speaking to Olivia on the phone. But then again, she _is_ the mother of his children. Of course she'd be worried.

And so is Elliot's partner.

The doctor told her and Cragen that he has great odds at a full recovery. Optimism has never been a trait of hers. She's always been more of a realist than anything else.

When she goes back into his hospital room, she's surprised to find Kathy leaving.

"The twins will be home soon so I have to go," she tells him. "I'll let them know that you're okay," she adds.

"Please do," he tells her. "And thanks for coming," he adds.

Olivia is standing dutifully by the door, watching the exchange. There's no kiss, no tenderness, no nothing. The woman just pats his hand and gathers her purse.

"Bye Liv," she says. "Let me know if he needs anything."

She absently nods, still unsure about what she's just witnessed. The woman didn't even comment about the fact that Elliot's blood is decorating Olivia's shirt. Once she's gone, Olivia plants herself in the chair that Kathy vacated.

"The doctor says the fact that you're seeing bright lights and colors is a good sign," she tells him. "So hopefully, you'll be back to work soon."

"Good to know," he says, calmer than he was when he woke up to find his vision impaired.

"Can I ask you a question El?"

"Sure."

"Why'd you thank Kathy for coming?" She asks. "I mean, why wouldn't she?"

Elliot takes a breath before answering.

"We're divorced so it's not like she had to," he responds. "She came to check on me so the kids wouldn't worry," he adds. "Maureen and Kathleen might come later…

He continues talking but Olivia doesn't really hear anything past the "D" word. He hasn't behaved differently, doesn't seem like a man who was ending his marriage. Elliot worked the cases, got them coffee, ate lunch with her here and there and seemed genuinely happy with his life.

The only assumption she could make was that he'd gone home to Queens, back to the life he built with Kathy and their children. When she picks the conversation back up he's talking about the case.

"Did they catch him?"

"Yeah," she says. "He's being examined on another floor."

"You shoot him?" He asks, trying to make light of the situation.

"No, I was uh…too worried about the fact that you're head went through a car window," she advises him.

Without giving it a second thought she takes his left hand in her right, now realizing that he never put his ring back on. Olivia can't believe she hasn't noticed up until this point. Then again, maybe it was a subconscious move on her part because she didn't really want to know.

She's running her thumb over his knuckles when he grasps her hand and holds on. How is it possible to have missed touching him and being touched by him, when they've never really done so before?

"When did you…how long have-

"It was finalized a month ago," he interrupts. "I told you that I was sure Liv," he says, nearly whispering.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?" She asks in the same tone.

"After Fin's nephew nearly brought the 1-6 down, we both had shit to get through," he reasons. "You got suspended and I had to watch them cart my daughter off to jail."

"I'm sorry, you're right," Olivia tells him. "A lot of people got burned on that case."

It's quiet between them for a few seconds.

"Also…I thought you were still seeing the same guy," he explains. "I wasn't gonna mess with that when you weren't convinced that it was you that I wanted…_want_."

Elliot can't see the surprised look on her face at his boldness and honesty. So, she continues like it hasn't affected her.

"I was sure you went home," she counters. "You came in to work the next day like that kiss never happened," she adds. "I figured you decided to reconcile with Kathy after all."

"Sounds like we both jumped to conclusions," he tells her.

"The wrong ones," she points out.

"So you're not seeing, whoever the hell you were seeing anymore?"

"No," she admits. "Not for a while."

When Olivia notices that the doctor is about to enter the room, she releases his hand and gets up to leave.

"We'll talk about this later El."

She gives him a hopeful smile that he can't see, and leaves him with the doctor to talk about his condition.

Along with Huang's help, they build a case against Saul Picard and present it to Casey. When she tells Olivia that she needs Elliot to testify, the detective gets uncharacteristically overprotective of her partner, claiming it's her job to look after him.

"_**Leave him alone Casey," she finds herself saying to the counselor. **_

"_**I can't."**_

Elliot ends up testifying for the sole purpose of the ADA's hidden agenda to get Picard declared mentally incompetent. Who knew she'd had a boyfriend with schizophrenia? The ADA gets into trouble for throwing the case and Saul himself begs to be extradited back to Louisiana, a state where sexual assaults against a child less than twelve is a capital offense punishable by death. But Casey gets what she wants and he stays in New York to serve his time.

Sitting in her car, Olivia looks at herself in her rearview mirror and shakes her head. She's ashamed at the lengths she went through to get the counselor in trouble and for passing the information about her schizophrenic ex to her boss.

She even told the feds about Picard so the case would be taken out of Casey's hands. All of it was nothing but revenge for what he'd done to Elliot. First she had to admit that to herself and then to Casey.

There's only one more person she needs to talk to.

Olivia gets out of the car and walks up the steps of his building. She climbs the short two flights and knocks on his door. She didn't call and it's late so she hopes he's up. They don't exactly keep regular hours anyway.

"Hey," Elliot says, opening the door and stepping aside to allow her in. "I wasn't expecting to see you until I got back to work next week."

"Yeah well," she begins. "I needed to talk to you."

"You want something to drink, a beer maybe?" He asks, walking into the small kitchen.

"Sure," she says, hoping it's the same beer he had all those months ago. Either it tasted great or that was all Elliot.

Olivia follows him, sitting on the opposite side of the breakfast bar on a stool. She places her purse on the counter and her jacket on the adjacent seat.

He puts an opened bottle in front of her and she smiles and takes it.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"So have you gotten all of your vision back?"

"Most of it," he answers. "I just have to wear glasses more often than usual until I'm 100%."

She nods, growing quiet.

"What's wrong?"

"Did you ever notice that whenever one of us visits the other at home, we always ask that question?"

He raises his eyebrows in thought then gives her a small smile.

"You're right," he acknowledges. "So there's nothing wrong?"

"I didn't say that," she tells him smirking. "I just…wanted to know if you noticed."

"I have now," he says, gesturing for her to follow him into the living room.

They sit on his sofa and Elliot puts his feet up on the coffee table.

"I didn't want you to testify," she tells him.

"Yeah, Casey told me," he reveals. "I told her I was big boy and I could handle it," he says. "But why didn't you?"

Olivia sits back against the cushions, taking a sip of her beer. It tastes like he did all those months ago.

"This is good," she comments. "When did you start drinking it?"

"After I moved out," he tells her. "Tried it, liked it, bought it now quit stalling," he says, urging her with his elbow.

"I thought if she pushed you too soon that it'd just take longer for you to come back," she explains. "And I miss working with you," she adds. "I miss…_you_."

Elliot reaches for her hand, intertwining their fingers and pressing his palm to hers in an intimate fashion.

"I've missed you for months," he confesses, momentarily dropping his eyes to her lips to bring home his point. "If I was permanently blind, next to my kids, your face would be the one I'd miss seeing the most," he continues. "And that scares the shit out of me."

"Me too," she admits.

"Why?"

"Because of the way I acted on this case," she begins. "I was overprotective of you and vindictive towards Casey because of what Saul Picard did," she adds. "And as many times as I've said it's because we're partners, I know that's not the only reason."

"It's not?"

"You know it's not Elliot," she responds, instantly. "God, no wonder people think we're sleeping together," she adds, pulling her hand out of his and placing it at her forehead.

He sets his beer on the end table then pulls her hand away from her head, holding it down between them again. Taking a breath, he tries to put into words, what he's been feeling.

"Since when do you give a damn what they think?" He questions. "People have always talked and they'll continue to, no matter if we're together or not," he reasons. "Just the thought of losing you terrifies me Olivia. That has to mean something."

Elliot drops his feet from the coffee table, turning fully towards her.

"After the Royce case I did what you suggested," he reveals. "I sat down with someone to talk about what I was going through."

"How'd that go?"

"Good," he answers. "It helped cement the fact that going home for the sake of the kids would've been wrong," he adds.

"I'm glad it helped."

"I wanna try something that I learned in therapy," he suggests. "And maybe it'll help you too."

Olivia looks skeptical but she trusts him.

"Okay."

"I'll go first," he offers, trying to make her more comfortable. "Wanting to be with you scares me because-I don't want it to turn out like my marriage."

The words are barely out of his mouth and she already looks like she wants to bolt for the front door.

"Come on Liv," he encourages. "We talk to each other about everything," he reminds her. "You can do this."

She takes a breath, then a sip from her beer before placing it next to his on the coffee table.

"Wanting to be with you scares _me_ because-you're my best friend, my family," she tries. "And if we mess it up…I lose all of that."

"You won't," he contends. "Even if things didn't work out, I wouldn't stop being your friend Liv."

"You can't promise that Elliot," she says, releasing his hand and getting up from the sofa.

She's not headed for the door but the urge to run has never been stronger than it is at this moment. It's the reason that she'd rather talk about anything except for them.

"I can," he asserts, remaining where he is.

"If it weren't for your kids, would you still talk to Kathy?"

"Definitely," he tells her. "We've known each other since we were teenagers."

"Well do you know how many of my exes I still keep in touch with?" She asks, hands on her hips. "None Elliot, not one."

He gives a small chuckle and shakes his head.

"You think this is funny?" She asks, incredulously.

"No Liv," he answers. "I just think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves," he reasons. "You haven't even agreed to go on a date with me and we're already talking about what would happen if things didn't work out."

He has a point.

Olivia calms, realizing he's right and rejoins him on the sofa. She rubs her eyes and sits back against the cushions. It's been a long day.

"Sorry for freaking out on you," she tells him. "I'm kind of tired."

"It's ok," he says. "I started it with my whole _'what if it turns out like my marriage'_ thing."

"Yeah you did," she agrees. "And I so did_ not_ need to hear that," she adds, reclaiming her beer.

"I know," he says. "The truth is…I'm more afraid of something happening to one of us without finding out if we'd be good together," he admits. "Being temporarily blinded isn't the worst thing that could've happened that day."

"I don't even wanna think about it," she tells him. "When I saw you slumped over on the ground like that…I was terrified," she confesses.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Each with the other on their minds, wondering what an intimate relationship between them would be like, feel like.

"So…will you?" Asks Elliot.

"Will I what?" She asks, taking a sip of her beer.

"Go out with me?"

After the tension of the conversation and to Elliot's enjoyment, the question brings a much needed smile to Olivia's face.

"Let's see if I have this right," she begins. "You spend sometimes twelve plus hours a day with me at work and you still wanna take me someplace afterwards?"

Elliot raises one eyebrow and tilts his head like he's giving it actual thought before answering her.

"Yep."

"On an actual date?"

"Yep," he repeats. "One of those things where I wear a nice suit and you wear one of those sexy dresses you own," he describes. "I pick you up, we go to a good restaurant, you laugh at all my jokes…any of this sound familiar?"

Olivia leans forward, placing her beer on the coffee table again. Then she turns to face him.

"Vaguely," she says, smartly. "Then what happens?"

"We see where the night takes us," he continues. "Maybe we go dancing or take a walk in the park."

"And?"

"Then I take you home, kiss you goodnight and wait a respectable amount of time before calling and asking you out again," Elliot explains.

Olivia squints her eyes and rubs her chin, pretending to contemplate the whole thing. Then she picks up his hand, threading their fingers together.

"Tell me more about this kiss," she says, trying not to smile and rubbing her thumb over his. "Are we talking on the cheek, forehead, lips or what?"

"Depends on how I feel the night went," Elliot responds, now focused on their hands and what she's doing. "But I've kissed you twice now on the lips and I didn't hear any complaints," he goes on, bringing his eyes to hers again. "So I'd probably stick with that."

"If it ain't broke don't fix it huh?"

"Right," he answers.

"And if I say no?" She asks, dropping her eyes to the sofa cushions.

Elliot takes his other hand, pulling her chin up so that he can meet her eyes again.

"I keep watching your back as your partner," he asserts. "And you stay my best friend," he adds. "But if you say yes we keep dating, we have fun and we see what happens," he asserts. "But we do not make plans for if it _doesn't_ work out."

When he takes his hand away from her chin, Olivia holds his eyes. She wants to kiss him for the confidence he has in them but refrains because she wouldn't wanna stop and they're not ready for that yet. Elliot recognizes that there's finally hopefulness in her browns, instead of the doubt he's gotten used to seeing.

"What was that question again detective?"

Elliot exhales, shaking his head in amusement.

"Tell me you've given every guy that's asked you out this much grief," he tells her.

"No," she says. "But then again I've never been in this situation with anyone else before," she acknowledges. "I already care about you."

Elliot sees her sincerity, a little bit of fear and offers her a smile. He's just as scared of losing her.

"Olivia Benson," he begins. "God woman, you make me feel like I'm about to propose or something."

She can't help but laugh at that.

"You're not down on one knee and you don't have one of those little blue boxes from Tiffany's," she tells him. "So relax."

"You're a hand full."

"But I'm worth it," she quips with another smile. "You were saying…"

Elliot starts laughing, Olivia joins in and soon they're both laughing uncontrollably at the sheer ridiculousness of the circumstances. They've known each other for nearly a decade and he's about to ask her on a date like they just met yesterday.

Olivia thinks if they can just keep making one another laugh like this, she and Elliot can deal with trying to hide it from the brass, the continued whispers and all the other crap that seeing your partner socially brings about.

"Okay stop," she says, trying to reign in her own snickers and wiping tears from her eyes from laughing so hard, "I'm trying to be serious here Elliot."

"Okay, okay" he tells her, tampering down his laughs.

He takes another breath to make sure he's gotten all his laughing out.

"Liv," he begins again. "Will you go out with me?"

"Yes," she answers. "Now that wasn't so hard was it?" She asks, getting up from the sofa.

"I hope you'll be easier on me from here on out," he comments, following behind her. "I'm partially disabled ya know."

She shakes her head as she gathers her purse and coat.

"You haven't bumped into any furniture," she's noticed. "So I think you'll be just fine."

Elliot helps her into her jacket and when she turns he kisses her on the cheek before leaning back to gauge her reaction.

"Uh oh," she says. "You _are_ disabled," she tells him smiling. "You missed."

"Gotta save something for the honeymoon," he quips back.

"There you go getting ahead of yourself again Stabler," turning to leave. "You've only been divorced for a month."

Olivia shakes her head and walks around him but he surprises her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. She doesn't hesitate to place her hands over his.

"We'll see," Elliot whispers against the skin of her neck and it gives her shivers.

Her mind is suddenly over run with scenes of Saturday morning walks, lazy Sundays in bed, intimate dinners, watching old movies snuggled on the sofa and the possibility of a dark haired baby with steel blue eyes.

"Yeah," she says, holding tighter to him. "We'll see."


End file.
